fall from grace
by windbirb
Summary: falling stars shine the brightest. written for a weekly on a warrior community. one-shot


Ｍｉｄｎｉｇｈｔ

Ｎｏｔ ａ ｓｏｕｎｄ ｆｒｏｍ ｔｈｅ ｐａｖｅｍｅｎｔ

Ｈａｓ ｔｈｅ ｍｏｏｎ ｌｏｓｔ ｈｅｒ ｍｅｍｏｒｙ?

Ｓｈｅ ｉｓ ｓｍｉｌｉｎｇ ａｌｏｎｅ

••

she was a star.

pride of her clan, loved by all. her heart was unmatched- strong and independent. they looked up to her, spoke to her for guidance, asked for her opinion. she was the cat to be with- a witty sense of humor, smart, all that.

 _was._

after the last leafbare- that cat is gone forever.

she's lying alone, rejected from all she loves- voices for all around croon her name. the cats she love hover around her mind, crying in heartfelt pain. she can't bear it anymore. her fall from grace had been hard, and to one that has never taken change well- this was impossibly difficult.

the pain.

not just the scars on her matted pelt, or the cut on her muzzle still oozing blood. it hurt, inside. he was gone- dead , because she wasn't brave like they had all called her, she wasn't strong like her clan had thought she was.

a lone figure, sitting under a willow. she's staring at the lazy brook, eyes distant and mind elsewhere. her pelt was still disastrous - her body was limp, life drained out of her, while still being alive.

they had always said love is a gift few ever experience.

none have ever mentioned its cost.

so when her footing slipped, leaving her hanging by a single paw to the narrow ledge above- a roaring, white foamed river below- she let go.

and as she fell, the memories came.

•

memory

all alone in the moonlight

i can smile at the old days

i was beautiful then

•

she met him during her first gathering as a full warrior. she had been young and naive, mooning over any pretty face, and when he appeared from the crowd of cats, she had looked down on him. now, as she hung from that cliff, recalling- that moment so long ago felt shallow and childish- yet, it still meant everything to her.

his fur was ordinary, eyes bland. not a perfect looker, although his frame was well bulit- the typical shadowclan cat- tall, lithe but not grotesquely skinny like some windclan- a thick pelt of bracken - colored fur, scattering silver light. his eyes, gentle, were confused and innocent, his posture radiating quiet curiousity.

she is fascinated- cats in thunderclan had always been prideful, taught as kits that they were meant to be the best, that they were loveed by all. to them, shadowclan were the bad cats- they were greedy for territory, greedy for power. and that was the way it was. life carries on, they are taught that, over and over.

 _they_ _love you_

 _you are happy here_

 _we_ _are all like this- you must be like this too._

although this logic seems terribly off today- as a youngling, she had embraced it, believing the lies they fed their young.

she has never seen this type of humbleness before- he hasn't spoken much, never boasted and bragged as her fellow apprentices crowed of hunting successes, just nodding, tossing out a kind word ever so often, not really speaking much.

as they huddle in a circle in order to face everyone, she inquires about his deeds- as a warrior, they must have had something in common, right? the tom simply shakes his head, deeming himself insignificant, and changes the topic.

at the end of the night, she had not weasled a single hint about his life from him- just that he was a new shadowclan warrior. she smiles at him, before bounding off to rejoin her clanmates, not really returning to the thought of that mysterious shadowclan cat until moons later.

shadowclan...

maybe...

 _perhaps, what they expect you to be is not the same as who you really are._

•

the ferns at the thunder - shadow border rustles as she appears, previously scenting the shadowclan cats near her side of the territory. staying on her side of the border, the thunderclan she-cat narrows her gaze at the rival clan cats, who were feasting on a plump pigeon.

a bracken colored tom is standing to the side, shuffling his paws, clearly uncomfortable. his voice is low, clearly only meant for his clan's ears, but she can hear every word uttered.

"why are we doing this? we have plenty of prey on our side of the bor-"

the large, pale gray she-cat beside him cuts him off rudely. her voice is muffled due to her whispering, and her harsh mew is choppy as she speaks. "... shut up, ... . you know that thunderclan prey always taste better than shadowclan prey- now, ... eat ... not?"

 _we are all like this- you must be like this too._

"we really shouldn't." the bracken tom from the gathering all those moons ago mews. "this is against the warrior code- ... would have us exiled for this."

"weakling." the gray female spits, turning. "traitor to your own clan- you're just a thunderclan lover, just like those windclan weaklings who follow their pawsteps like a lost kit."

the bracken tom looks indignant, head held high in rebellious spirit. "i will not be held accountable for the wrongdoings that you have created. as he storms off, she knows he smells her scent- knows she's there. her heartbeat is in her throat as she awaits her discovery.

he watches her hiding spot for a moment, before slipping back into his territory, tail flashing as a parting farewell before disappearing completely into the shadowclan undergrowth.

 _perhaps, what they expect you to be is not the same as who you really are._

•

they meet under the stars, out of pure coincidence.

she had snuck out of bed, unable to sleep. a single word with the guard had let her leave without a fuss, and she strides towards the meadow near shadowclan territory, where the stars would not be blocked by the branches overhead.

it was breezy, and she noticed his arrival before he did.

his fur is messy, brilliant blue eyes lighting up the darkness. he spots her a moment after she did, and pads closer, posture unthreatening. a tiny voice in her mind is screaming at her. she tries to ignore it, curiousity compelling her to pad closer to him as well.

 _shadowclan cats cannot be trusted! they are evil- they are power hungry- they only care about bloodshed and territory_

 _they are all like this- why must he be different?_

somehow, she knows he is.

she ignores the voice. padding forward, she mews a hello. he replies with one back, and they strike up a lively conversation, much more interesting than the dullness they are fed at home. although he is from a rival clan, raised a different way- he and she aren't that different inside.

finally, she knows...

what they expect you to be is not the same as who you really are.

•

the next time they meet, they are alone.

he's watching her silently. they are four tail-lengths from the trees- water lapping at her paws as she stoops to drink from the quickly diminishing lake. the twolegs had came to shadowclan territory to create dirt trails, winding through their pine forests less than a quarter moon ago- and twolegs had begun to swarm onto the new paths.

their paws are heavy, sending vibrations through the ground and scaring away the mice and voles- their voices are loud and harsh, blaring and provocative as squirrels and birds flee the area. shadowclan's home, tawnystar had reported at the previous gathering- has not been disturbed, but their food was gone.

he was thinner than she had last seen him.

her clan had not batted an eye. "they deserve it, those mangy shadowclan fleabags. why should we waste our survival on the livihood of a rival?"

 _they are not like us. why should we care for them?_

she shakes her head imperceptibly.

she had came to the waterside to enjoy the sounds of the lake- they are relief from the pressures placed on her back at home. she's meant to be the one everyone looks up to- mainstream and popular- yet her encounter with him moons ago had changed her, however little.

she smiles at him from afar, and he sees.

he smiles back weakly.

what they expect you to be is not the same as who you really are.

••

they say she should get a mate- with the pick of the clan, she could get anyone she wanted, yet she refuses. her fellow warriors were already expecting kits by now- well on their way to become queens, and then care for kits for the rest of their life.

they say having a mate would be good for her, settle her down, and she could do her duty to the clan as a she-cat, enjoy life more.

she turned all of them down-

there is more to life than love.

-

they meet every night.

always to the same place- the meadow where they first met, for real.

she's padding towards him, eyes glimmering under the starlight, and they enjoy each others company, hidden from the judgemental gazes of everyone. they talk every now and then, leaning into the other, resting heads on shoulders, dozing off every now and then.

it's comfort- the silence isn't awkward, it's rather like reassurance- inner voices saying that even if you can't see me, or hear me, i'm still there. she smiles against his fur, radiating warmth.

despite the happiness they feel, she can't help but notice his bones under his fur- he's weaker than before, his breathing slightly raspy from something in his chest. she can't help but get anxious- the prey had been extremely scarce in shadowclan, he had told her.

"i'm alright." he smiles down at her, weak smile on his face. "the queens and kits need them more than i. anyway, being around you makes me forget my cares, and that's more important than going hungry." tears were brimming in her eyes. no one had ever said anything like that- it had always been superficial and shallow- she smiles through her watery eyes, and relaxes against him.

"you're all i need, too." she smiles, closing her eyes.

there's more to love than joy.

he smiles back.

who we are is rarely who they expect us to be.

••

she's forcing herself to make the right decision.

shadowclan is starving, and thunderclan refuses to help them. windclan sticks their muzzles in the air, trying to follow thunderclan's lead. riverclan, despite hesitant, follows the majority in fear of retaliation from the other two clans.

she knows if she doesn't do something he will die. they pad into the gathering island, and she frantically search the crowd for his familiar bracken fur, spotting it in the edge of the crowd, surrounded by the other shadowclan cats.

a pang of shock hits her as she witness the skin, practically dangling from a skinny frame. his pelt had gone dull, eyes glassy. her breathing is growing faster, heartbeat speeding. that's why he hadn't came the last few nights, she recalls, gasping in shock.

as the thunderclan cats begin to mingle into the crowd, she pushes her way towards him, tripping over small apprentices and over elder's tails before finding herself beside him. eyes watery, she's at a loss for words, and can only stare as he smiled wistfully.

"i'm sorry for not coming a few nights ago." he finally began, voice low. "i was trying to save up my strength, maybe see you one last time here before i leave."

"for where?" she blurts out, much louder than necessary. lowering her voice, she continued. "you aren't going to leave me, are you?" you plead. "you can't die, you can't-"

she knows she's being selfish.

"shadowclan is dying, love." he whispers in response. "cats have been dying since the beginning of time. why am i different?"

 _because you aren't who they think you are. because you aren't what they expect you to be. because you are the only other cat i have ever met, that was like_

 _me._

she's turning her back on the cats now, storming towards the tree. she knows she shouldn't do this-

"what we are doing is wrong." she calls, addressing the three clans nearby. "we have sworn, seasons ago, that the clans would never cast aside another clan, never to leave them to die." the gathering has fell slient, and she feels hundreds of stares, boring into her pelt.

"will we repeat what happens to skyclan? will we let the supposed evil die? guess what- if you think that, you are no less evil than them." the clans did not take it well. yowls of disdain was thrown back at her, insults and accusations, calls of 'traitor' was ringing in her ears.

she's kneeling in the heart of the crowd now screams of accusations ringing in her ears as cats from the other clans surround her, paws shoving and pelts battered. she could feel a form pushing his way over, standing over her. "is that you?" she whispers, low enough that only he could hear.

"why would it be anyone else?" he replies.

••

what they expect you to be is not the same as who you really are.

••

it had begun raining as they travel back from the gathering. clouds cover the moon. she's trailing at the very back of the clan, pelt drenched in mud and rainwater. she could feel the cats in front of her as they look back every now and then- she could hear her name thrown around as gossip began, crazy rumors spreading around the clan.

"... having kits with a shadowclan cat, so she's protecting the rivals."

"she probably was tricked into saying ... would never do that, would she?"

she wished she would ignore the stupid rumors, leave the ignorant clan. yet she couldn't- a disappearance is easily tracked, and it would cause more suspicion.

she looks up at the sky, rain and tears mixing together as it runs down her cheeks.

cats never change.

••

she finds out he had died a quarter moon later.

••

the memories fade, and she hits the water below the cliff, and everything became black.

••

daylight

i must wait for the sunrise

i must think of a new life

and i musn't give in

when the dawn comes

tonight will be a memory too

and a new day will begin

••

she would find him when she enters starclan, her pelt alight with silver, scattering moonlight. he would be waiting for her there, bracken fur shining not unlike her own, not entering the hunting grounds for seasons and seasons as he awaits her arrival.

she would be teary from relief and happiness, and will run towards him, and he towards her. they would meet, and the breaks be repaired, the wounds be healed.

she would smile.

he would smile back.

the scars they carry on their hearts will fade as they step into a new life, together.

she had fallen, but not from grace- but to, amongst the stars.

• fin •

••

touch me

it's so easy to leave me

all alone with the memory

of my days in the sun

if you touch me

you'll understand what happiness is

a new day has begun

_

hope you enjoyed! the lowercase letters is because i felt it fits more with the mood of the fic- i do not mean any disrespect.

 _disclaimer- i do not own warriors of any kind- the warriors world belongs solely to erin hunter. the quotes is from the musical cats, and i do not own that either._

 _this is crossposted from my account on warrior amino. i am the same person- therefore this is not plagiarism._


End file.
